Buddy Parenting

Posted: July 8, 2015 in Contests, Reality Check
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I believe we have passed through the era where fear could contain us. More often, fear, especially these days, makes us rebel or succumb to a living shell. As they say, “First impression is the last impression”, a child usually remembers the first thing what they see which is the atmosphere of his house, behavior of his parents who are usually the first ones that reaches his soul. I am not a parent yet but now when I have stepped into my adulthood, when challenges of adulthood blaze on me, when life throws lemons at me, I have realized how parenting helped me be calm at the helm of adversity, keep patience when things go wrong and work harder every time I fail rather than quitting because it didn’t happen at the first shot.

I came across this term, “Buddy Parenting” which got me ponder over past, ponder over discussions I’ve had with my friends, ponder over my friends whom I have motivated and pondered over those incidents when I was being motivated. I think for every person, their first set of friends, first source of inspiration is their parents which would also include their siblings. Maximum time of our growing up is shared with them and we, humans, tend to absorb the maximum out of our surroundings. As we grow up, the time spent at home goes reducing with increase in school hours, tuition hours and playing hours. Now, we have technologies which reduce our family time to as much time as take to have shower. While we get entangled in this new phase, the ones who become close to us is our friends. That’s when parenting gets tested. The tender child, who is just developing maturity, has all its trust put on the person with whom he spends his life with. He would start believing what his peers do and debate/discard all that he learnt from his parents. Conflict of roles renders a child to believe that parents, just like any other elder human, is only to respect but not trust. Trust gets associated to friends and you start sharing every personal aspect of your life with them, who are as less matured as you.

This is the time Buddy Parenting becomes important. The very fact of becoming a buddy while the child grows makes him believe/consider you as friend even when he starts making new ones. The trust and bond that he shares with new friends would be of the same nature he shares with you. The parent will still be a go-to friend and he would share everything happening in his life. As the child grows, the influences, the hormones, the understanding and the misunderstanding keeps expanding. Parents often miss out on the date and find their child on a wrong path which leads to scolding/grounding and eventual loss of trust. The child starts hiding and lying and there goes everything in toss. Buddy Parenting is when the parents would be able to correct at the right time.

Today, it reminds me of the time when I wept after coming home after an embarrassing moment of being tongue tied in an elocution, my parents shared their embarrassing stories. Some were cooked up but at that time, it made me laugh and think that I was not alone. It reminds of the time when I did too well and started gloating that they would start discussing over dinner how someone had a big fall after such a giant success that indirectly got me to ground. I don’t think I was ever scolded but was always had them laughing at my follies or simply disapproving what I did, just as our friends always do. We don’t really have buddies shouting at us right? They always indulge in conversations. If I wouldn’t study, they would simply stay awake and work late night indirectly telling me the importance of finishing work on time. Every mistake of mine was countered by an indirect inspiration and not direct conversations about do’s and don’ts and then with them, I’d sit at night and finish my homework. As Robert Brault puts it, “As parents, we guide by our unspoken example. It is only when we’re talking to them that our kids aren’t listening.”

Fear Parenting was always a success in the olden age where a child had a limited access to his world. Today, where we are connected to even a person sitting in Alaska from Mumbai, the very fear gets obsolete. However, I don’t mean that there shouldn’t be any level of authority to be exercised. Parents need to balance the line so that the kid would still stay in control. There’s a difference between functional role and emotional role and one can’t be on a single side. Both the sides got to have proportions. I don’t call for a buddy buddy parenting. What I press on is responsible buddy parenting.

Source: feralchild.net

     Source: feralchild.net

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