Posts Tagged ‘Change’

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world

— Rainer Marya Rilke

It rains the hardest on people who deserve the Sun. I had really been disturbed few days back seeing many people around me sacrificing their only love, their only likening, probably the best talent that they have at the stake of securing the future. Well, securing future isn’t wrong but why kill the insides of you for gaining something whose fruits aren’t as sweet as you deserve?

I was touched when I saw this movie, Patiala House, where Akshay Kumar played the role of Pargat Singh Kahlon. In that movie, he quits his dream of becoming an English Cricketer because his father threatens him to end his own life if he plays for Whites. For the love of parents, like all of us do, he quits playing Cricket and doesn’t go further with his selection in England National Cricket Team. He starts handling a shop given to him by his father and leads a sad, lifeless life for 17 years. What he doesn’t leave is practicing Cricket. Although he doesn’t play, he does go and practices at night. It was 17 years after, when he turns 34, life takes turn and he finally gets to play for England National Team and his dream gets fulfilled.

How different are we from Pargat Singh Kahlon? We select Medical, Chartered Accountancy, Engineering and all those high profile professional courses on the insistence of our parents who are sure, just like everyone is, that we will find a midas touch if we do this and be nothing but a pauper or struggler if we chose the field of art or sports. Their fear isn’t wrong, your obedience is not wrong at all; However, where people falter is when they suppress their inner love, their passion, their reason for inner happiness by discontinuing or disregarding or self doubting their abilities, the importance of what they are excelling in and the heights they can reach or the happiness they can always have if they stick to it. It is not possible in this world with so many macro and micro problems leading from poverty to competition to politics to hundreds and thousands of other obstacles to always get deserving reward for what you are best at, to get an opportunity for that, to win a fortune at that but then there isn’t any wisdom in leaving it too. You may never know, tables may just turn and you get an opportunity too just like how Pargat Singh Kahlon did. Okay Okay, now you will tell me that it was just a film but tell me one thing; Aren’t films inspired from real lives?  (Except many South Indian and latest Salman, Akshay, Ajay Devgn movies :\ )*

I just want to tell you, “HOLD ON !!” Don’t let situations take over you, don’t make hasty decisions and don’t ever let go off your love. Stick to it, if life throws you in a different jungle to fend, practice your skills when free just to keep them alive or improve and excel on it on a personal level. If life really had plans for you, sometime – somewhere, you may get an opportunity to live it and if life never had plans for you, you shall just be happy for not letting go off a gift which was given to you by God.  You may not even know if during turbulent times, it is this art which will fetch you food and shelter. Doing what your parents want you to do religiously or doing what comes out as a safest option will do no harm to anybody and keep people around happy too; I am sure, post that obedience you can always justify your devotion of time for things that are close to you. Heard of Michael Jordan saying, “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”  

So my dear CA colleague, my Dentist neighbour, my Software Engineer friend, my Law pursuing cousin and so many of you around, I’d really love to open a newspaper one day, get shocked seeing you’ll achieving feats or you holding exhibitions or you holding a concert or you putting an ad for a cooking class or you being another person climbing himalayas or you winning “So you think you can Dance”. This life is a tree full of fruits and these fruits are either to encash and make people happy or spread smiles and make people happy but most important, finding and holding your inner happiness. And lastly – ALWAYS REMEMBER – “It’s only those who do nothing that make no mistakes”.

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images



Posted: December 6, 2013 in Reality Check
Tags: , ,

Me: “Why? Why had this got to happen to only me? Hadn’t I taken enough care every time?”

She: “My sister went with everyone for bicycle trekking and even she took a lot of care, however, only she fell and hit the rock and fell into coma.”

———– This is what someone close to me replied when I fussed over a sudden severe  stomach infection, I developed after October that ruined 2 months of my life – physically, academically, professionally, financially and mentally.

      Destiny !! Isn’t it something which some people believe with whole heart, some with doubts and rest do not believe it at all. I am someone who believes in it and have heard much since birth that what is meant to happen, shall happen ultimately.

2013 has been a tough year. My new year started with cops busting the new year party (We got conned by the organizers, okay?) within first half hour of 2013 and it never continued to be good till date. Alright, I had my share of lessons, my share of wins and appreciations, my share of personal victory, my share of growth and my share of discovery this year but it was always challenged and somewhere, I failed to achieve what I expected from 2013.

The year commenced itself with a challenge on personal front whose climax fell during my final year board exams. If not only that, my college life came to an end in the first quarter of this year itself. As Aamir Khan rightly said it in his movie Rang De Basanti, “College de gate di ik taraf hum life ko nachate hai aur duji taraf life humko.”
College ended and voila ! 75 to 80% of the friends you made in college have moved away or have gone busy in their lives. You realize the fact that someone whom you need the most is the one you are best without. Some people mysteriously leave and some go abroad or get entangled in further studies. You happen to accidentally speak to someone whom you never spoke in college life, but that is if luck favors you. The hollowness of you being grown up – the 21 age crises sets in (I spoke about it at length in this post – 21-something-crises). By April, I shifted to a lackluster routine of Sleep-Eat-Go Office-Eat-Sleep with occasional hang outs and frequent overtimes at office. And when this routine had a calm ongoing with me having social life mostly through social networking mediums, life threw melons at me and I developed a severe stomach infection followed by hospitalization and bed rest which I am undergoing right now.

There are few things that I learnt this year – some of them are:

  • Exercise or do Yoga. Don’t let the evils of a sedentary lifestyle take over you. Keep healthy diet and drink lots of water. Some things, how much ever tasty or addictive – Avoid or limit the use. Health may get screwed anytime and trust me, Hospitalization – be it in lavish ones like Kokilaben Ambani or Seven Hills – isn’t a nice experience.
  • Rise over individualistic view and adopt the idea of ISR just like companies have to do CSR after Companies Act, 2013. Oh btw, ISR is Individual Social Responsibility. Spread love and spread smiles. I know how it is to make someone happy, it sure gives more happiness than shopping from Forever 21 or having a fridge full of exotic beers, wines, age old scotch or whiskeys. Don’t be a menace to society.
  • Concentrate on what you are doing with your life. Even if no one tells you, there are strings attached to many people. Take care of your parents, they love you and worry for you. The only reason why you face differences is mainly because of generation gap. There was a funny message that I received in the morning – “With each wrong answer that you write in your paper, your honeymoon tends to shift from Mauritius to Matheran”. 😀
  • Don’t get bogged down if a lot of wrong things happen at the same time. May be its a testing period. Someone great had told me this year, “Your life starts only after you plan your entire life up there, select all your difficulties and tests that you want to undergo on earth to rise spiritually. It is only after you submit this to God and confirm the acceptance of challenge, that your life starts on earth. If you fail in the tests, it gets repeated just like how it happens in school. Don’t ever feel your problems won’t ever end because these problems are selected by you and are very much under your capacity and competency. Just keep faith in God, Introspect and bounce back. Once you pass the spiritual test, trust me, such a similar situation will never repeat itself.”
  • Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial.

There is much more actually, I can keep on speaking about it at any hour of the day, I could write a lot on it too but sometimes I need readers and I am told to learn skills of precis writing 😦 . But now comes 2014 in about 24 days. This year is too important in many aspects and I look forward to being a qualified professional after May Exams, probably earn a few more accolades too. Time permitting, back pack and go on for exploring new places – this year my friends and I could only google and plan but never happened to go. Read more books, especially complete Harry Potter, Dan Brown series and Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Blog more frequently and possibly join a diploma in creative writing. Think and work over screwed up love life and meet more interesting people, end up at more crazy parties and do some real dhasu stuffs (However, this does not involve gate crashing at weddings Abhas and Harsh 😛 ).

Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”
― Alfred Tennyson

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.

                                                                                   —   Kurt Vonnegut

21 .. What an age for a boy ! All of a sudden, he will turn into a Man, responsibilities and expectations will increase, presentation of self will get utmost importance and first step of achieving dreams will touch the feet or be as near to be able to see with naked eye. But don’t you think there is more to this age?

It’s a time when all that you planned for your future gets a reality check. You realize nothing is butter and honey and there is perseverance and hard work required in all. Where you don’t know with whom you are competing and all those lessons of school to study your opponent goes waste because you never come to know who is going to battle you in the race of life. Where you realize that popularity and influence of your fathers, forefathers, uncles and friends of all the three will get you anywhere as easily  as making Maggi. Where you understand being nice and pleasing to everyone is so important and where it is difficult to judge who is talking shit behind your back. All those friends with whom you dreamt of ruling or at least being a celebrity in this world have disappeared soon after your farewell and graduation and inspirational and encouraging stories that you were always exposed to changes to stories of failure.

It’s a time when you realize that what will fetch you the goose that lays golden eggs was nothing but a facade created by people who themselves lie in order to safeguard their image and hide their self-defeating feeling. It’s a time when you realize that you have to sweat as much as your friend who celebrated all 5 years of college life unlike the sincerity that you kept. It’s that time when you realize that your job is not as expected by you and you won’t change your path for betterment for starting from scratch will scare your balls. It’s the time when you scroll through social networking websites, not to socialize but to check how much fun your friends are having. It’s that time when you will constantly compare yourself with your friends or your life with the life of your parents when they were young.

It’s that time when your heart gets broken and you wonder how can someone, whom you love so much do this to you.  It’s a time when you love one girl and then you fall in love with another girl. You feel sick because you are a good guy and you need to be serious on one. It’s a time when you would talk to yourself that you will have a better girl besides you in couple of years than the girl your friend has now and pacify yourself. Then again, you will feel sick of considering girl as a trophy and kicking love to backseat. Then you will get serious on love and go close to someone only to find that the lovee has already got someone in her life and you will fail as a lover once again. It’s that time when you will start looking at relationships in a different manner. One night stands or short hook ups and flings will make you feel tacky and you would seek long term or serious relationships. It’s that time when you will question if the person you have been with for such a long time is really worth it or it’s the time when you wonder if its too late to make a decision of getting done with.  It’s a time when suddenly you will see your age female friends declaring engagements or marriage and wonder how old you have become. It’s that time when you would halt for a second and look at a second year degree student and wonder how different you’ll look and then again sulk on how old you have become because they look as same as you.

It’s a time when your music taste will change. It’s a time when you will get frustrated of your own habit of procrastinating health and wellness of body, actually shape of physique. It’s that time when you will still lose on your promises to study as same as how you used to lose when you were a kid. It’s that time when all the lessons you learnt as a kid will be challenged and every day outside will make you feel that the world is going to dogs. It’s that time when you realize the world is selfish and all those friends you called best friends aren’t really that good and many of them that came and left your life were really good. You realize that someone you thought of it as a bitch is not really a bitch but then no one will do anything because everyone would be stuck in same doldrums as you.

It’s that time when you will laugh and cry in extremes. You will get scared or feel helpless or totally lonely. It’s that time when you will feel like running out of your house and hug that one person which matters most to you but then sleep with wet eyes that the person who is important to you, doesn’t feel the same for you. You question yourself if what you are doing is really worth it. You get more of such questions and have the same conversations with every friend time and again because you are in search of a conclusion which you won’t get because unknowingly everyone is suffering through the same phase.

You worry about the King Size Life, you always dreamt of. You start understanding the value for money and start wondering how would you build the foundation of coming phases of life. It’s that time when change is needed and when a change approaches, it scares you inside out and makes you cling to the past which has already flown away. It’s that time when you keep pondering over and try to clear this mess in your head. It’s the age where you have sudden intense fear of failure. It’s the age where everyday you will leave the house with basket full of expectations only to return home with all expectations unfulfilled followed by your lecture to yourself on ceasing to expect. It’s the age of 21 and somehow, somewhere, everyone of us is going through same emotions at some point or the other.

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

And when you start feeling pointless for hoping a better and healthy tomorrow and when you make “Aakhri Alvida na ho” song from Shootout at Lokhandwala, your theme song – YOU ARE GOING MAD !!

I won’t make any sense in defining the title of this blog. However, there is a significance behind both the things – “Homecoming” and “Battle with the Ego”. Basically, these are those two emotions that I have strongly felt past few days. Let me talk about Homecoming.

How beautiful is to be back home! Past many days when I suffered at the hands of food poisoning and faced deteriorating health – time and again coupled with heavy weakness and stomach aches – the only place of solace, of calm, of feeling safe and of relief was home. Home where your mother would get so worried for you that you will need to calm her down before you could rest your body, home where your father will try to rise your spirits by motivation or scare the shit out of you by counting possibilities of hazards that could have happened, home where your elder sister will try to make those bimaaro wala khana italian or mexican using different recipes or by merely making khichdi tasty by adding oregano and Maggi Masala into it. Past one month, all my days started with me counting hours before I will be back home from work. Terrible month, seriously !

But it was not just about me. For the first time, I observed something that I failed to observe past two years since I am working. Diwali holidays were nearing and half of my colleagues were leaving city to meet their parents. The joy of getting to eat home food, the joy of getting to meet family, the joy of sleeping with your head on mom’s lap, the joy of sharing stories with your father, the joy of teasing your sister, the joy of playing with your brother, the joy of being at home. To see that joy in the eyes of your friends was something more special than having a Pizza.  Not only my own colleagues, I felt happy looking at families or a boy or a girl with heavy suitcases waiting for CST train at Andheri Station or seeing them running towards Mumbai Central Station with a haste of catching the train to visit their village home. It was always special looking at all of this. A feeling so difficult to explain.

Coming to Battle with the Ego. It has been over a month and I am still not well and so, here I have two small versions of my own self circling around my head, poking me with their decisions. One – the egotist – nagging me for being weak, or for my immunity not working, or for not getting well soon and would ask me to get up, go to work, go to meet friends, go out and forget about the illness. Probably listening to this egotist, I am still not fine – Rest needed. Second – the caring guy – who will ask me to sleep one more hour in the morning, almost making me late for work. Who would ask me to cancel plans of meeting friends at the pretext of getting more sleep. One who postponed my plans to start studies by a month by pacifying me everyday that I shall be able to study once I am well, so I need to take rest and get well fast. Probably listening to the caring guy has made me a lazy bum, such a lazy bum that even my immunity is feeling lazy to act and fight.

Anyways, a lot of randomness thrown up here. Its like I have puked in this blog post. Goodnight for now. I shall take my medicines and listen to “Aakhri Alvida na ho”.

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images